Do you ever feel small and insignificant? Do you ever feel like
your effort, your presence doesn’t actually contribute to
anything? Do you ever feel totally helpless, with possible words
and actions running through your mind, yet you remain silent and
still? Do you ever feel like you are of no use whatsoever?
These are just some of the things I’ve been feeling recently.
But this has nothing to do with my job or my calling, in fact
it’s not about my life at all really, it’s about my friend. You
see my friend, mate, pal, chum, buddy is going through a bit of
a rough time at the moment and life for them is pants and there
is absolutely nothing I can do about it. As they sit and cry I
desperately want to wrap them up in my arms and make their world
all better. During the heartbreaking silences I want to offer
the right words to stop the pain. In the tiny moments of light
where we giggle and forget, I want to freeze time so they don’t
have to remember and return to the darkness. I want to do all
the things the people want to do when those they love are broken
and hurting. Yet there is nothing I can do and I feel helpless,
small, insignificant, useless and inconsequential – it is their
burden, their pain and I can only watch them carry it. I don’t
have children and so I can only imagine how much more acute the
pain is when it’s your child that is the one weeping, your own
flesh and blood broken and in pain.
So now spare a thought for God…He had to watch His son, a part
of Himself, being tormented, brutally beaten and viciously
killed, all alone, for the sake of others. And unlike us when
we, as friends, as family, watch those we love suffer, God could
have stepped in and stopped it. With one word He could have
prevented Jesus feeling any pain, He could have stopped the
wounding words and betrayal, He could have blocked the attacks,
the hatred and the fear, but He didn’t. How much harder is it to
watch on the sidelines knowing you can stop it, but for the sake
of others it needs to continue? As I look at my friend in
distress, at my family whom I love I’m not sure I could turn
down the opportunity to save them if I had the power, even at
the expense of others. My instinct is to help my loved ones at
any cost. I’m guessing as we are made in the image of God that
this is His instinct too, yet He chose to go against that
instinct to save my life, your life, everyone’s life. That is
not a sign of helplessness or weakness but a demonstration of
strength and bravery and ultimate love.
I guess as I now look at the situation with my friend I still
wish I could take away their pain, but I know that I am not
helpless. I will continue to be a shoulder to cry on, a hug to
comfort them, a laugh to refresh them, but these are not weak
gestures or insignificant acts – they are strength and bravery,
they are allowing the reality of the pain and loving and living
through it. By not trying to solve their problem, fix their
hurt, I am actually bringing greater healing – God certainly
knows what’s He’s doing, maybe I should pay more attention!
